Crimson Pain
by Rothelena
Summary: It happened- Red John caught Lisbon. Her team can save her, but Jane comes undone in the aftermath…can Lisbon bring him back? Rated M for adult content. Pretty dark, even violent- but do not fear: it will have a happy ending.
1. Chapter 1

Crimson Pain

_It happened- Red John caught Lisbon. Her team can save her, but Jane comes undone in the aftermath…can Lisbon bring him back? Rated M for adult content. Pretty dark, even a little violent- but do not fear: it will have a happy ending._

Chapter 1

Lisbon tried to be brave and swallowed the tears.

She was icy cold, and the shackles bit into her wrists- Red John taunted her mercilessly and she felt so miserable and desperate that she almost wished to be killed soon.

But he wouldn´t let her die, not yet- first he wanted her to suffer.

"He won´t save you", he whispered into her ear," he feels nothing for you- he won´t even mourn you for a week. He breathed for his beautiful wife- but he won´t have the slightest notion to avenge YOUR death. You´re just a pawn for him, a puppet he can discard when it isn´t needed any longer…and now, agent Lisbon, you´ve just become collateral damage. But be merry, at least he won´t suffer more because you´re gone- poor man, he´s been through so much already…"

Lisbon felt raw and vulnerable. She had always known that Jane didn´t love her, but that Red John used her tender feelings to mock and taunt her hurt tremendously.

He called her ugly, repugnant, ridiculous- surely Jane had no reason to love her, he had only contempt for his boyish, scrupulous team-leader.

His words wormed their way into her mind, until she couldn´t escape them any longer.

She wanted desperately to be of worth to Jane- but she knew she wasn´t. He´d never look at her like he had looked at his beautiful, perfect wife. The wife Red John had taken from him.

Lisbon was small and unimportant, and the truth was: nobody had ever really loved her.

The floor beneath her was moist and dirty, she slept on the naked stone, hurting all over, brooding, dreading, so, so scared…

Red John cut her frequently, only superficial wounds, inflicted by a sharp knife, again and again, just to see her in pain- his greatest pleasure. Blood caked her arms and legs. She wanted the ordeal to end. Why wouldn´t death come for her of its own accord?

Her pent up tears started to fall, wracking sobs shook her tiny body.

Jane had loved Angela so much- losing her had destroyed his life.

Lisbon amused him, but most of all he could manipulate her easily, make her help him with his vendetta. Losing her wouldn´t mean much to him.

Red John was right- she was nothing but a means to an end for Patrick Jane.

She cried herself to an uncomfortable, restless sleep.

xMentalistX

Time blurred in her mind. How long had she been here? Didn´t know.

It was dark, Red John had just hurt her again, the wounds on her legs were still bleeding softly. She felt numb and filled with sorrow at the same time.

Jane. She tried to recall his beautiful face, his angelic smile, his slightly mocking, but oh so warm voice- how much she missed him. How much she wished to see him again.

She shivered in the cold. He would never smile at her again. She would be dead soon. Dead and forgotten.

xMentalistx

Voices- Lisbon heard faint voices, waking up from her peaceless slumber. Harsh voices, nervous, anxious.

Suddenly the door was kicked in, wood splintering- Lisbon shielded her face against whatever came for her, but when she risked a glance she immediately recognized Cho´s deadly calm figure against the backlight.

They had found her.

xMentalistx

Everything diffused into a cloud of noise and light.

Lisbon felt tired and confused, after days in the darkness she could hardly see due to the harsh illumination, she tried to recognize the faces around her, but mostly everything was a blur. Her mind felt bruised, her senses raw.

VanPelt rushed to her side, relief and compassion written on her face, freeing Lisbon´s hands from the shackles. She tried to help her up, but Lisbon couldn´t stand, her legs wouldn´t support her. Finally Rigsby picked her up and carried her to the EMT. Lisbon was ashamed- she hated being weak and dependent, but right now she couldn´t help it.

Nobody noticed Jane, who stood hidden in the shadows, his face darksome and woebegone.

He wouldn´t come close to Lisbon and waited in his car while the EMT checked on her and dressed her wounds.

The team was full of compassion, everybody tried to help her, to be there for her, to show her she wasn´t alone.

But Jane just pulled back.

xMentalistx

And he continued to do so.

Seven days later, Lisbon was back in charge. She needed to work, to hide behind the shield her work provided, so she talked LaRoche into cutting short the dreaded sick-leave.

They still hadn´t caught Red John- he´d long been gone when the team had found her. Lisbon had managed to cope with her disappointment- she had to move forward. They would find him eventually. She didn´t allow herself the shadow of a doubt.

It was Jane who slowly drove her insane.

He was embittered and aggressive, so much that nobody dared to come near him. He refused to talk to her, and if he couldn´t avoid it completely, he stubbornly kept his eyes averted. The rare looks he cast her way were angry, almost hateful- what was the matter with him?

She pondered the situation for hours but found no explanation.

Jane even stopped to lie down on his beloved couch and spent as much time as possible in the attic- utterly alone. He stopped to participate in their cases. He didn´t care for anything anymore.

Lisbon suffered badly.

She longed so much to be close to him, but he pushed her further and further away. She was on autopilot most of the time, not feeling anything, and at the same time being so sad it felt like death.

She couldn´t go on like this. She wanted him back.

What had happened to "her" Patrick Jane?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

After four weeks she couldn´t stand the distance any longer. So she went to the attic in the evening and confronted him.

"Jane- you can´t go on like this."

He sat on his bed, his eyes void of any feeling. Lisbon shivered.

"You´re right- I´m worthless. I can´t catch Red John, no matter how hard I´m trying, I outlived my sole purpose in my poor existence. I´d rather be dead than live like that."

His words hurt so much she felt like doubling over. But Lisbon forced herself to remain upright, to look him straight in the eye. He watched her coldly.

"Jane," she whispered," why don´t you realize that there are people who love you- who…couldn´t imagine life without you." She sobbed softly. He didn´t react.

"I hurt you.", he spat out, "I practically delivered you into his hands. He knew that I had become dangerously close to you, and he just wanted to kill you for fun, to make my life even worse. He takes everything that´s precious to me. So from now own, nothing will mean anything to me anymore. From now on, I´ll be alone. Nobody is allowed to get close, Lisbon. So stay away- or I´ll really hurt you, just to make sure you are safe."

"Jane..", she sobbed, but he didn´t let her finish the sentence.

"Jane is dead.", he shouted, "He is empty and cold as stone. I´m leaving CBI today. And I hope I´ll never see you again, Lisbon."

She opened her mouth, but he would have none of it.

"Leave!", he commanded, his hard eyes without feeling or mercy, and she turned and fled.

Before she reached the door, her hand already on the knob, she found herself whispering:

„You know what Red John told me again and again? That to kill me would be an act of mercy. Because if I´d live, I´d just beat myself up loving you, longing for you to love me back. All the time waiting for you to come closer- while you remain cold and distant, because I just mean nothing to you. It seems he was right."

She didn´t look at him again, but left the attic quietly.

She went away on faltering legs, tears streaming down her face, soundless sobs wracking her body.

xMentalistx

Another sleepless night.

Jane sat in the dark and tried desperately not to cry.

What the hell was the matter with him? He´d always managed to distance himself, always could be cold and deceiving when he needed to- why did he feel like a small boy right now, lost and dying to be held?

He could still hear Lisbon´s words- he told me to kill me would be an act of mercy. I´d just beat up myself loving you.

She loved him. His small, precious, wonderful little angel.

He violently shook his head to chase off the thoughts. No, he wasn´t allowed to think about her like this- he had to force himself to despise her.

But finally the tears overwhelmed him and started to fall, thoroughly wetting his face, he felt cold and lonely and didn´t know where to turn to.

Red John had finally succeeded. The killer had won. Patrick Jane wanted to die.

xMentalistx

He went to collect his stuff, and met his nemesis in the deserted bullpen.

A humorless smile contorted his features.

Senior special agent Teresa Lisbon. Why couldn´t she simply vanish?

"What are you going to do?", she asked.

"None of your business." He said, putting as much contempt into his voice as he could muster,"let me pass and stay out of my way."

Her green eyes were watching him.

"No.", she stated simply.

Anger flared up inside him, he suddenly felt livid.

"How dare you…", he growled, " you want to get hurt, Teresa Lisbon? You want to see what I can do to you? So be it!"

He closed the distance between them with blazing eyes, grabbed her and pushed her against the next wall with an audible thud. He pressed his lips to hers and immediately thrust his tongue into her mouth, hard, fueled by his ire. She kissed him back, furious with need and frustration, desperate to stay in control.

His hands were ripping her clothes to shreds, then fumbled with his belt, pushing his pants and boxers down to free his rock-hard erection. He didn´t care if she was ready for him, he just wrapped her legs around his waist and forced himself inside her to the hilt.

He was huge and stretched her wider than she could go, Lisbon couldn´t accommodate him, a stabbing pain tore through her.

He swallowed her scream with his biting kiss while her fingernails dug into his shoulders, he welcomed the sting with a low hiss- hell, it felt good to hurt. He started thrusting, hard and fast, pushing her against the wall, intent to make her suffer. The rough stone was scratching her naked back, but he only put more force into his relentless pumping, her whole body shook under the impact, again and again, she was already climaxing, whimpering with need, and he didn´t stop his movements, he gave it to her even harder, let the fire of his rage lead the way, fuck her, he thought, gritting his teeth, make her scream, and he did. Again and again.

Finally he threw his head back and roared like a wild animal, emptying his seed inside her.

He pushed her legs from his waist and pushed her away, Lisbon´s legs wouldn´t support her and she fell to the floor.

Jane dressed hurriedly, staring at her shaking form, his eyes wild and restless.

When his pants were back where they belonged, he turned and ran away.

This had to end now. He would make sure it did.

xMentalistx

Lisbon had to get up, she fought against her buckling legs and finally managed to stand. She got her spare clothes from her locker and dressed as fast as she could, the building was completely dark, and Lisbon ran, ran for her life, as fast as her feet would carry her.

The elevator took too long, so she chose the stairs, running, running for all she was worth, until she reached the top floor, pushing against the door and finally standing on the roof, the cool night air hitting her face.

Jane stood on the balustrade and looked down into the darkness.

Lisbon was scared like she´d never been before. He couldn´t die- she couldn´t let him. She didn´t know what to do, she wanted to grab him, shake him, cling to him and never let him go.

She didn´t think, just blurted out what came to her mind.

"Patrick, I love you! I love you more than my life, more than everything! You want to hurt me? Then go on, Patrick: jump! Die, and I´ll be fatally wounded. Jump, Patrick. I´ll follow you. Without you, I can´t live."

Jane´s vision was blurred by his desperate tears. He was a monster. He had almost raped her, and she still wanted to save him, still loved him. What had he done to deserve someone like her?

Suddenly he started to sob uncontrollably, and when she finally reached him, he allowed her to pull him from the banister, directly into her arms.

She held him while he cried, stroking his soft curls tenderly, whispering words of love into his ear. She ignored the soreness between her legs from their furious encounter in the bullpen and comforted him carefully, pouring her heart into every touch.

When he´d finally reestablished a modicum of control, she took him home with her, holding his hand in hers, leading him up to her bedroom, carefully undressing him and pushing him into a lying position on her bed. She covered his shivering body with a soft blanket, gently tucking him in, placing a sweet kiss on his temple.

But he started to sob again as she stood to leave him, so she unceremoniously shed her clothes and slipped under the blanket with him. He gathered her in his arms, snuggling against her chest, his ear directly over her rapid heartbeat.

He fell asleep like this, her hands in his hair, her soft lips kissing his forehead again and again.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

When Lisbon woke up, Jane was gone.

She wasn´t surprised, had expected him to run as soon as he opened his eyes, knew that he´d need to distance himself, but she couldn´t help feeling lonely and bereft for a moment.

She touched the sheets where his warm body had lain and tried to remember what he had felt like in her arms. She had kissed his face innumerable times, and his skin had tasted so sweet she couldn´t get enough.

She closed her eyes in frustration. Damn her silly feelings. It was more than obvious that he didn´t love her- why did she beg to be hurt?

She got up slowly, dreading to face the day, but she showered and dressed and forgot about breakfast like the brave little soldier she´d always been.

And she sat at her desk almost an hour before her shift started. Nobody was there except her, and Lisbon enjoyed the silence. The calm before the storm.

It lasted only minutes. Then she sensed, more than saw, Jane enter the bullpen.

He looked over at her, his gaze hard and unfeeling. Lisbon shivered involuntarily. So he didn´t want to talk- fine.

He went to his couch and lay down. She looked at him and pushed back the tears. What did she have to do to get her old Patrick Jane back?

You stupid idiot- why can´t you love me?

XXMentalistXX

Jane lay on his couch and watched his Elvis-shaped spot on the ceiling.

Hell, that had been hard- it had taken all his strength not to storm into her office, grab her with both arms and crush her against his chest in an earth-shattering embrace.

But it had been even harder to leave her this morning. He had sat next to her for almost an hour, watching her sleep, thinking about how much he wanted to kiss her awake. He still felt her lips against his skin when she had tried to calm him the night before…she had swallowed his bitter tears with her sweet mouth.

But the facts hadn´t changed. He didn´t deserve her. He endangered her. He had to keep his distance at all costs.

So he had dressed and left her apartment quietly, wandering through the dark city battling his feelings for her until eventually he reached CBI headquarters, where he had showered and changed into a fresh three-piece suit.

Now he lay here, feeling empty and bursting full at the same time.

Sweet Lisbon.

Whenever he closed his eyes he relived their rough encounter in this very building, when he had taken her coarsely against an office-wall. He still felt awash in an odd mixture of shame and arousal. He had manhandled her, his beautiful little princess, the only human who truly loved him- he closed his eyes. What a miserable creature he was. He would have understood if she had never allowed him to touch her again, but she had taken him into her bed, held his shaking body, kissed his tear-streaked face.

Red John had lied to her.

He loved her. He loved her so much it scared him, so much he couldn´t escape his feelings no matter how fast he ran. He loved her so much he would suffer forever.

For he couldn´t budge. He couldn´t give in. He had to keep her away. And he knew he would hurt her in the process. He couldn´t help it.

He had to be cold as ice, hard as stone. When he allowed himself to get close to her, she would be in constant danger. So he would repel her with all his might. He would make her hate him.

XXMentalistXX

Working with Jane was even more frustrating than usual. He was tense, aggressive, obnoxious. Everything he said dripped with sarcasm, he didn´t even try to play nice.

Lisbon still suffered from her abduction…she hardly slept at night, waking up frequently from feverish nightmares, worrying about Jane, craving his tenderness at the same time. But he was everything but tender. He scowled at her, did everything to push her away.

But whenever a suspect threatened Lisbon , even if she was in no real danger at all, Jane completely lost it. When a murder victim´s thuggish boyfriend had got up from his seat and come close to Lisbon, who kept her stance easily without wavering, Cho had to restrain Jane forcibly to prevent him from ripping out the man´s throat.

Lisbon couldn´t understand him. He tried to protect her, but at the same time treated her like some kind of disgusting insect?

He allowed no one to invade her personal space…even Rigsby shied away from Jane´s menacing presence. His aggressiveness radiated from him in big, crushing waves. His closeness felt suffocating.

But worst of all was his touch.

He touched her frequently, but not in a harmless, friendly, noncommittal way. His hands were hot and intense , burning through her clothes- he almost dug his fingers into her flesh.

He didn´t put his hand softly on the small of her back, how he usually did to reassure her, but grabbed her waist in an utterly possessive gesture.

When he touched her, she couldn´t concentrate on anything else.

Part of her wanted to slap his hands away, part of her wanted to push him into the next dark corner and kiss some sense into him.

She did neither, but allowed him to touch her in this rough, urgent manner.

Whatever he needed to face his demons- she would play along.

XXMentalistXX

She sat at her desk while Jane was pacing her office in long, restless strides. He was so full of energy it seemed to burst out of him, he couldn´t sit still.

It was unnerving, but she didn´t tell him to stop- instead she continued to talk about their ongoing case.

"I can´t see why he should be guilty, Jane", she sighed,"I can´t arrest him because of a hunch, even if it is your hunch."

"He IS guilty, Lisbon," he snarled, "bring him in for interrogation and I take him apart…"

"That´s what I´m afraid of…", she muttered under her breath.

"…without TOUCHING him of course!"

Jane looked down at her and suddenly froze dead in his tracks.

"What´s that?", he asked, his voice icy cold.

She knew what he looked at- her bare forearm.

"Scars.", she said so softly he almost couldn´t hear her.

He took a closer look.

Her skin was laced with clearly visible lines, still slightly reddish.

"These are pretty recent", he stated, "where are they from?"

Hell, she didn´t want to answer him. Why couldn´t she have worn a long-sleeved shirt until the lines were white and hardly discernible at all?

She bit her lip stubbornly.

Jane leaned down.

"Lisbon," he growled, his voice low and menacing, "I ask you again- who has inflicted these wounds upon you ?"

"Red John," she whispered, trying desperately not to cry.

She felt him go rigid next to her.

"Why?", he thundered, already knowing the answer, but he couldn´t resist to force her into saying it.

She looked up at him, eyes brimmed with tears, but she didn´t waver.

"He liked to see me in pain, okay?", she said calmly, "And yes- it hurt. But I came through. I´m here. The wounds will heal eventually. Now let´s continue to work."

Jane wasn´t ready to do that. He smiled coldly.

"Great time in your life, hmm, Lisbon?", he mocked her, "first you get cut over and over again by a sadistic serial killer who could kill you any minute, than your consultant rapes you against an office wall because he just can´t cope with his feelings. I bet it feels like a holiday, doesn´t it?"

"Stop it!", she cried out, "I´m sick of it! Yes, I had a bad time, damn you! I was abducted, I was tortured, I hurt, I was cold. I was desperately lonely and all the time he told me that the only man who´s truly meant something to me in decades would never have any feelings for me- yes, it wasn´t great. Yes, I suffered. But you didn´t do anything to make me feel better afterwards, did you? But, Jane: you didn´t rape me. We had…very rough sex, but I didn´t stop you. I could have done it- you know that I´m much stronger than I look. But I didn´t do it. Because I wanted to be close to you- as close as possible. I wanted you to touch me- no matter how rude. Thinking of you brought me through those horrible days when I didn´t know if I would live. So stop punishing yourself because you feel guilty for violating me. You didn´t. You were all I had when I needed you most. And I´m grateful for that. Even if you´re no able to… show some kindness now. So…", her voice was calm again," let´s get back to work, Jane."

Jane just crumbled before her eyes. His face contorted with pain and tears sprang to his eyes- he started sobbing uncontrollably, though he tried hard to brace himself. Lisbon was so shocked by his acute reaction that she got up from her chair immediately and rushed to his side.

He tried to shove her away, but only half-heartedly, and she wasn´t discouraged. She simply advanced again and gathered him into her arms. He clutched her tightly and pressed his face against her neck, crying relentlessly.

Finally he straightened and looked at her, his face wet with tears.

Lisbon almost gasped. He was so breathtakingly beautiful, so precious, so desirable, she had to choke the impulse to whimper. Hell, she loved him. She had never wanted anything as much as she wanted him. And she hated herself when she behaved like a girl.

"Are you home tonight?", he asked, his voice still hoarse from crying.

"Yes.", she said quietly.

He nodded shortly, then turned and left her office, wiping the tears away with his hands.

Lisbon released a pent up breath and sat down. And she spent the rest of the day stopping her restless mind from brooding helplessy.


	4. Chapter 4

_Okay, I'm back... _

_I took my time to update this story, I apologize- I got too carried away with „Homeward Bound". But now I won´t budge until I finished this one- I promise._

Crimson Pain

Chapter 4

It was almost ridiculous how easy it was every time. It needed a simple paper-clip, and he was inside her house two minutes later. He closed the door behind him. Inhaled. Her scent- everywhere.

He felt raw and pained, like an open wound refusing to heal. He grabbed a scattered scarf that lay on a drawer next to him and clutched it to his face, sniffing it like an animal, shuddering with delight, his arousal rising like a presence of its own.

He let the scarf fall as if it had burned his hands. Then he shook his head violently to get a grip. He could not lose control again. Never again.

He started to wander through the rooms, one by one. Lisbon wouldn't be here at this time, he knew that. But she would come. And he would be waiting.

He shed his jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt.

He found her bedroom. It was purely functional, nothing girly about it, and he smiled fondly. He lay down on her bed, face down, and sucked more of her scent into his lungs. His hips moved of their own volition, rubbing against the mattress, heightening his arousal to sweet agony. He got up before he couldn't stop anymore, gasping for breath. Maybe he should leave, fast, and run to never come back.

But he couldn't. The urge to care for her was too strong- he needed to do it. Or the self-loathing inside him would rip him apart like an angry beast.

He searched for the bathroom and found it. He looked at his cellphone- Lisbon should be home soon, he had to hurry. He put small candles on every free surface he could find, and took his time to lighten them, like a ritual, a preparation to cleanse his soul. His black, dark, guilty soul. He knew it wouldn´t work.

He turned the tap on and tested the temperature- a little hotter, she had worked the whole day and would ache all over. He knew she was in pain very often. She demanded everything from her body, straining it till she could no longer go on, hiding behind her strength. It had gotten even worse after her abduction. She brought herself to exhaustion just to mask the fact that she was simply scared- a frail, hurt little bird. He smirked mirthlessly. He was the worst candidate to soothe her pain. But he would try.

He'd just turned off the tap and poured scented foam bath into the hot water when he heard the front door opening and closing with a soft click. He sighed, shutting his eyes against the turmoil of emotions. His instincts told him to run before he made everything worse. But he couldn´t. He got up slowly and moved into the hallway.

Lisbon stood at the front door, still wearing her light jacket.

No, she wasn't surprised. Not one little bit. She had expected him to wait for her, had sat in her car for half an hour to muster the courage to confront him.

Their eyes met, and she felt her breathing stop. When the chips were down, would she be able to live without him? Would she take her feelings, bury them under concrete so dense she could forget their existence, and go on- business as usual? She didn't want to lie to herself. So she just let the question pass through her mind and stopped thinking at all.

Jane stepped away from the bathroom-door and moved his hand in invitation. His face was so earnest, so sad. When had he smiled at her the last time? She couldn´t remember. She felt a cold knot in her stomach.

Tears sprang to her eyes when she saw the steaming bath, surrounded by candles. A smidge sappy, it made her almost believe that he was still Jane beneath all this aggressively exhibited suffering.

"Undress and get in," he whispered behind her, his voice dark and rough, "I´ll prepare dinner."

And when he was gone, she allowed her tears to fall.

XXMentalistXX

Lisbon took her clothes off, one by one, and watched herself in the mirror. It wasn´t this bad. She was thin, but not scrawny, and she had breasts. A woman´s breasts. She sighed. Her traitorous body yearned for him.

She imagined him moving around her kitchen, the way he stretched his back, planting his feet firmly, every movement a display of grace. Damn. Why did she never fell for the easy guys?

She turned and stepped into the tub, carefully lowering herself into the foamy bath.

Lisbon sighed, the hot water caressing her aching muscles- he had used lavender scented soap for the bubbles, and she felt herself relaxing, melting. She lay still for several minutes, just enjoying. Her body was aroused, the skin prickling, every fiber stretched out towards the brooding man in her kitchen. She needed him to touch her more than she needed her next breath.

Suddenly her eyes snapped open.

He stood in the doorframe, motionless, his face stern and solemn. Woebegone to his bones, misery wafting from his body, hitting her like a hot fist. When she looked at him, he averted his eyes.

And something inside Lisbon just snapped.

She stood up so fast that he startled and stared at her, wide-eyed. Water cascaded from her naked body- she looked like a sexy little mermaid who´d found her prey after years of hunting. He swallowed visibly.

"That´s enough, Jane," she hissed, "I´ve finally had it with you!"

_Oh oh…that doesn't sound like good news for our favorite consultant. But hey- he definitely has to be brought back on track here, doesn't he? And that justifies desperate measures…I'm already working on the next chapter._

_Pleaaaaase review- pretty please with cherry on top! I get so much inspiration from your reviews, it´s unbelievable- thank you so much!_


	5. Chapter 5

_Here's the next one- a friendly warning: we're reentering the M-sector now…and what follows is not for the faint of heart. It´s rather kinky, to be honest- so much that I wasn't sure if I should really publish this one. But no risk- no fun._

_And yessss- Lisbon is REALLY angry with him._

Crimson Pain

Chapter 5

Lisbon felt her anger flare up like a flame. It consumed her, tainted every inch of her mind, until she could feel its searing presence everywhere. He would pay. For making her feel miserable when this was exactly what she didn't need right now. How dared he playing the suffering little puppy when SHE had been abducted, when SHE had been the one fighting for her life and her sanity in this goddamn cellar at the mercy of a sadistic madman? Jane hadn't given her solace- not once! He hadn't even hugged her! He had insulted her, been cruel and repellent, and she had even tried to make HIM feel better! No- not a second longer. He wanted to hurt? Fine with her!

"Listen, Jane," she growled, voice cold as ice," come here. Now."

He stiffened.

"No.", his voice was soft and distant,"I won't touch you. I know I hurt you. But I won't make it worse. I won't risk your life again. What I said is still true: I'm off limits, Lisbon. I'm a seething mass of pain and guilt- I failed everyone, even myself. I'll solve your cases- because you've been kind to me. I owe you that much. But I'm alone. And I'll stay that way."

"You, Patrick Jane, are nothing more than a miserable piece of shit," she snarled," a sorry excuse for a man. You're wallowing in your damn self-pity, you don't even notice the people around you anymore. And I can't stand it any longer. I thought I'd suffered badly at the hands of Red John. But you made me suffer even worse. And for that," she paused, deadly calm in her voice, "you will be punished."

He flinched at her anger and stared at her in surprise while she stepped from the bathtub, wet and naked and beautiful like a sensual fantasy.

"Come here.", she hissed. A command. She wouldn't tolerate disobedience.

And when he looked into her eyes, he suddenly understood.

He wanted this. He didn't want her kindness, her concern. He wanted her to castigate him. To cut his soul open so the purulent wound could bleed and wash away the darkness that tainted his heart. And he saw it in her face- she knew, too.

He closed his eyes in a mixture of relief and fear. And he obeyed and stepped in front of her.

Lisbon shuddered. If she couldn't clean the hate out of his system she would lose him forever.

"On your knees." She ordered calmly, and he submitted, sobbing softly.

Tiny agent Lisbon was considerably stronger than she looked. And she was angry- Oh so angry. She had no problems to rip off his vest, tearing the fabric at the seams. Jane gasped but didn't do anything. He simply surrendered. Lisbon leant down, fisted her hands in his hair and pulled his head back, forcing him to look at her. His lips were trembling- hmm, so tempting. She smiled cruelly.

"Tell me what you want, Jane," she whispered, her breath hot on his face," or I'll give you nothing."

He started to shake, badly, and she enjoyed the tremors that translated into her body- yes, she wanted him afraid. Afraid and needy. Completely helpless- at her mercy.

"P-please," Jane stammered, "please, punish me. I deserve it."

He let his hand crawl up her leg, but she slapped it away.

"You're not allowed to touch," she growled, letting go of his hair.

"Please, forgive me," he whimpered, bowing his head.

Lisbon felt a fluttering sensation deep in her guts and inhaled a sharp breath. He was so sweet. She would beat all this suffering out of him, the self-loathing, the hate. She would strip him of everything that kept him from coming back to her.

She tore his shirt open, sending every single button flying. He startled and looked up at her, shivering violently. She bowed down, biting his neck, hard. He bit his lip to stop himself from crying out, clenching his fists till the knuckles were white. The sharp pain felt wonderful, he wanted more.

"Please," he whispered, voice trembling, "More!"

Lisbon straightened and slapped him as hard as she could, watching his eyes go wide with shock while his breath caught in his throat and her handprint blossomed on his pretty face like a mark.

"You're not allowed to demand anything!", she said, calm and composed.

Then she brought her hands back to his hair, pulling his head back, and claimed his lips with hers. It was a hard, merciless kiss, her tongue thrusting into his mouth without waiting for his compliance. But she felt a flutter of deep bliss when he started to kiss her back, hungrily, almost starving. Finally she broke away but he kept groping for her lips, eyes closed, drudgingly grinding down a soft wail when he realized her mouth wouldn't come back to his.

Lisbon smiled almost tenderly before she slapped him again, softer this time, but he flinched, releasing his breath in a hot shudder.

"We're not finished," she whispered." no kissing or touching privileges for you until you have learned your lesson. "

He nodded meekly, a single tear running over his face. She caught the moisture with her finger and licked it off.

Then she straightened and pulled off his torn shirt. She sighed- his body was exquisite. He was perfectly muscled all over, but not overtly, he was no beefcake, but rather graceful and elegant, a picture of unobtrusive, irresistible male beauty. Lisbon licked her lips. She would bring him back from his journey into the darkness, and then he was hers.

She knelt before him and opened his belt, slowly, watching his face. His features were completely honest, unprotected, no mask whatsoever. He was with her, accepting everything she wanted to do to him.

She pulled the belt through the belt loops and came even closer, breathing against his lips. He was panting. She bit his lower lip, softly, swallowing his moan.

"You've been a very, very bad boy, Patrick," she rasped, "and you're right- you deserve to you need to be disciplined."

She straightened, relishing the little bereft sound he made when her lips left him, and stepped around him.

She brought the doubled belt down on his back, not as hard as she could, hardly leaving a mark, but he gasped sharply, his body cringing under the impact.

She smiled. "Now we're talking."

She hit him again, harder, an angry red welt appearing on his skin. He jerked spasmodically, gritting his teeth against the pain, a soft, wailing sound escaping his throat.

"You want more?", Lisbon rasped hoarsely, "Beg for it."

"Please," he whimpered, "Please, more!"

And when she hit him again and again, he sobbed with relief and gratitude, all gates of his soul wide open, feelings crashing into his face, and he shuddered under the sharp blows, crying out every time the belt connected with his skin, teeth clenched against the welcome pain.

She stopped when the skin of his back was red all over, the welts contrasting sharply in an even deeper red. He was gasping, his erection rock hard, straining against his pants. She stroked his back softly, and he convulsed beneath her touch. So she gave him some moments to compose himself.

He turned and looked at her.

"Thank you," he breathed, face wet with tears.

She knelt down and wiped the moisture away, tenderly.

"You're welcome," she whispered softly, "but you're not finished."

XXMentalistXX

"Get up.", she said, straightening.

He did so immediately, his legs shaking slightly, but strong enough to support him.

Lisbon opened his pants with nimble fingers and pulled them down, taking his boxers with her. He stepped out of them, still trembling. She looked at his erection, her mouth watering. He was exquisite all over. And he was obviously very close.

"Bedroom." She stated, leading the way, and he followed, little-boy-meek, mesmerized by the slight sway of her slim hips.

She pushed him down on the bed. He hissed when his sore back came into contact with the mattress, but stayed as he was, swallowing the pain bravely.

Lisbon straddled him, he felt her wet heat against his abdomen and almost lost his mind then and there. He was insane with want. He tried to grab her waist and pull her down on his straining hard-on, but she slapped his hands away.

"No," she said with utter calm, "no touching- you haven't earned it yet."

He writhed beneath her in agony, and she slapped him- not hard, but enough to get his undivided attention. She grabbed both his wrists with one hand and pushed them down on the mattress above his head.

"Listen closely now, Patrick," she whispered, nipping at his jaw, "You are not allowed to come until I say so, understood?"

"Oh God," he sobbed, a hoarse cry torn from his throat when she lifted herself, then sank down on his towering erection until he was buried inside her to the hilt. His whole body bucked beneath her, and Lisbon came immediately, her walls clenching around him. He bit his lip until he drew blood, ripping the sheets apart with his hands in a desperate fight to stop himself from spending. He managed by the skin of his teeth, lying beneath her utterly exhausted, drenched in sweat. She licked the salty liquid from his neck and started to move.

He moaned and threw his head back, writhing in agony, all thoughts vanishing from his mind. Finally he was existing purely on instinct.

"Thrust up into me, Patrick," Lisbon demanded, and he obeyed with a desperate sob, crying out when his hips slapped against hers, the sensation so acute, the pain so sweet, he wept with longing.

He was sure he would die, when she leant down and whispered into his ear, her breath harsh with arousal, and he knew she was close again.

"You're allowed to come now, Patrick," she breathed and positioned his hands on her hips.

Jane groaned and clutched her in a death-grip, slamming inside her so hard that she could feel the impact in every cell of her body. He pounded into her, yelling with lust, and she met his thrusts as good as she could until her orgasm stripped every ounce of self-control off her. She came like mad and felt him go over the edge at the same moment, his seed shooting into her forcefully, his hips pumping, and again, again, until there was nothing left, and still she could feel him jerking beneath her, his whole body shaking and convulsing.

He had never before come like this. Everything ceased to exist for a moment, diffusing in a cloud of burning stars, and he clenched his eyes shut to prevent himself from passing out. Finally the tremors subsided, leaving him a boneless mass, unable to move a single limb. He felt the slight stinging pain on his back, felt his semen seep onto his abdomen from her body, felt her soft hands stroking his face. She kissed him, and he was so grateful that she still wanted him after all he'd done, pushing her tongue into his mouth, tasting him, melting into him. He pushed his hands into her silky hair and moaned- she swallowed the sound with her kiss.

He whimpered when she pulled away and flinched when she got up, breaking their connection. But she was oh so gentle when she turned him over so that he lay on his side, reducing the pressure on his sore back. She got an especially soft blanket from the drawer and slipped into the bed beside him, covering them both with the plushy fabric.

Jane sighed, already half asleep, and she kissed him softly, pouring her whole heart into her lips. Then she pulled him against her chest and closed her eyes, holding him tight.

_Huuh, I hope nobody fainted. LizfromItaly gave me the idea to put Lisbon "on top" this time, and I decided to overact that point a little bit :D- after I read the wonderful story "Turnabout" by VMargarita I feel now bad about "stealing" the "Spanking/Belt"-thingy (although the idea had formed in my mind before I read the fic)…I pondered desperately and for quite a long time what I could use for a makeshift whip instead of a belt, but couldn´t think of anything (a wet towel had some kind of funny touch about it, I didn´t want that in this very, very dark story). So I hope VMargarita forgives me for allowing Lisbon to use the belt in this fic, too._

_By the way, to LizfromItaly- about the "bathroom-sink-bending"-issue- I heard you ;). __I´ll elaborate on this._

_Please review if you can manage- I hope I didn't shock you too much. I've never ventured in these regions before, but since this story is really pretty angsty, it seemed somehow fitting._


	6. Chapter 6

Crimson Pain

Chapter 6

When Patrick Jane woke up, it felt like waking up from a nightmare. He had slept for eight hours…more than he'd ever managed since his family had been murdered.

He felt warm and relaxed, the sharp soreness of his back not even unpleasant. His heart clenched when he thought about Lisbon- she had brought him back, und for once doom wasn't coloring his mind. He felt lighthearted. Almost happy. The sun shone on his face, he felt the warmth and the light, hope blossoming in his soul.

But where was his dauntless, beautiful team-leader right now?

He smiled to himself. Hell, he'd known she was tough, but yesterday…he shuddered and felt a massive hard-on building beneath the sheets. But it had worked: when he had surrendered to her, completely, he had been relieved of all the responsibility for what had happened to her- the abduction, the torture, Red John's taunt…everything gone, he'd just breathed to submit to her, and he'd felt free.

And still the feeling lured in his heart, giving him the ability to relax for the first time since Lisbon had been saved from her torturer. She was alive. She was here. And she was his. And now he would go to find her.

XXMentalistXX

Teresa Lisbon watched her face in the bathroom mirror, clutching the sink in a death grip. She still felt shaky…what a night- she was still trembling when she thought about it.

She just hoped he didn't hate her right now. She hoped it had brought him back on track. She wanted her old Patrick Jane back- the smiling, mischievous devil who loved to play games and torture her with his unnerving schemes.

Pretty Please. I want him back.

She bowed her head and sighed- when suddenly she heard steps behind her. Her heart skipped a beat.

She straightened and watched him in the mirror, coming up behind her. She couldn't stop herself from admiring him. There was no one like him. And she would always be at his side- no matter how much he had changed.

But suddenly he smiled at her in the mirror, a smile so soft and sweet and bright that she burst into tears. He hadn't smiled at her in ages- it felt like rain falling on her parched soul. He wrapped her in his arms from behind and held her while she cried and cried, wetting his skin with her tears. Jane kissed her neck and she shuddered. She could feel his erection poking against her backside. He still wanted her. Part of her had been afraid he would be repelled by what she had done the night before.

"I hurt you.", she sobbed.

"No," he answered softly, "you saved me. Like you did countless times before. Please, never doubt yourself about this. You're my heroine. Please- take me. Please."

His hands slid over her body, she watched their slow progress in the mirror. He cupped her perfect breasts, stroking the nipples into tight little peaks, panting into her ear, watching her reflection in the glass.

"Mine," he rasped, "all mine."

His hands found the wetness between her legs- how much he longed to taste her, but he stifled the urge for now. Next time.

Lisbon's eyes fluttered shut when he pushed two fingers inside her.

"No," he rasped, "Look at me. No matter what I'm doing, don't stop looking."

She obeyed, but it was hard. She all but melted under his skillful touch, feeling his hot breath against her neck, watching his eyes in the mirror. They told her what he felt, unmasked emotions shining from their depths, and she shuddered with delight. He softly extracted his fingers, making her whimper with need.

"Don't fight me," he breathed.

He put his hand against her back, bending her slightly forward. Lisbon grabbed the edge of the sink so hard her knuckles turned white, it was impossible to keep the eyes open, but she fought against the urge to close them in anticipation.

"Look at me," he growled, and she did.

He was so beautiful, like an angel, standing upright behind her, his sculpted torso trembling slightly with his harsh breathing, both elegant hands wrapped around her waist. She felt his rock-hard erection against her wetness and moaned deeply, bowing her head.

"Don't do that," he whispered, "look at me. At all costs."

She looked at him in the mirror, tears forming in her eyes. He sighed in contentment and moved his hips forward, pushing his hard length inside her, inch for agonizing inch. His grip on her waist was hard and unfaltering, he didn't allow her to rush him. But she could see the impact of his actions in his face- eyes going wide with sensation, nostrils flaring slightly, mouth forming a perfect O. His face contorted in pleasure. Lisbon's tears started to fall again, dripping into the sink, and still he was pushing inside her, deeper, deeper, she needed more, needed it faster, but he wouldn't rush. He clasped her waist tighter, stopping her from moving.

Finally he was buried to the hilt, he draw a shaking breath, groaning deep in his throat. Lisbon felt the exquisite sensation of pleasure-pain when his manhood brushed her cervix and closed her eyes on a hot wail, but he would have none of it.

"Open your eyes.", he hissed, almost unable to speak through the haze of his ecstasy.

She looked at him, panting.

"Please," she begged, "please harder, faster- I'm starving. I can't bear it any longer."

He chuckled hoarsely.

"You can," he growled, "and you will. Keep looking at me, my love. Or I won't give you what you want so desperately."

He pulled out almost completely, then pushed back inside, making her writhe in agony. He made a pretty desperate sound in his throat, feeling close to delirium himself. He managed to keep his eyes open, but he had no idea how. He pressed his hips against her, feeling the depth of his intrusion. She was tight, her walls clutching him hotly, he stretched her wide, filling her completely and then some. She still looked at him, her breath fogging up the mirror.

"You're perfect," he mouthed, "if you promise not to stop watching me, I have something for you."

"I promise," she whispered hoarsely, and he managed a shaky smile.

"Then brace yourself, my sweet little princess.", he breathed and pulled back, thrusting into her full force only moments later. Lisbon screamed, it was almost too much friction to bear, but it felt soooo good. Her eyes went shut, only to snap open immediately when she remembered her promise. Jane smiled at her, his eyes glued to hers in the mirror, and started to thrust in earnest. He used all his strength, pumping into her, pushing as deep as he could go, making her scream again and again. He felt the pressure in himself building, but refused to relent right now. He pounded into her forcefully, feeling her come apart, her insides clutching at him, the climax so powerful her breathing stopped for a moment, and still she looked at him, he saw in her eyes what he did to her, and it was so erotic he almost died with the pleasure of it.

He took her over and over, her orgasm branding through her, fueled by his merciless thrusting, he was panting, his mouth open, his eyes fastened to hers, and she could tell the exact second he lost control. His seed shot inside her moments later, she saw him gritting his teeth against the onslaught of ecstasy, felt the searing spurts of semen deep inside her body, and came again. His hips were still slapping against hers, hard, riding the wave till he was completely, utterly spent.

Lisbon all but collapsed beneath him, so he pulled her up, her back resting against his chest.

She finally allowed her to close her eyes, sensing that she couldn't keep them open to save her life.

He kissed her ear, her neck, the slim but powerful shoulders, his breath sexy little puffs against her skin, making her tingle all over.

Finally she opened her eyes and met his gaze in the mirror. And she saw Patrick Jane there. Not the shadow he had been since she'd been abducted.

He looked at her for long seconds. His voice was a hoarse whisper when he spoke.

"I love you."

And she cried in his arms. Again.

_So, Lizfromitaly, there you go! I hope you liked it…the story is not finished, though: I need to write one chapter to get them back to normal after the mess I have created here…Please review, don't be shy, although I can understand if you are- but I'm extremely grateful for your comments, especially since I'm quite insecure with this fic._


	7. Epilogue

Crimson Pain

Epilogue

„A serial," agent Lisbon growled," Darn."

She sat behind her desk, looking at a smiling Patrick Jane sprawled on her couch.

"Yes," he said, "at least that's what Wilmore thinks we're thinking right now."

"We're not just thinking this, Jane.", Lisbon snapped, "we found evidence fitting some murders months ago…you were there when we unearthed the stuff. So it's a serial. And that's bad."

"Yes", Jane mused, "but let's just not forget that I placed the evidence there myself, so- maybe it's your lucky day, Lisbon."

"You did WHAT?", she thundered, getting up from her chair.

"I planted this cigarette stub there," he shrugged, " I mean, genial move as usual. Wilmore got careless and made a mistake, forgetting to let some interesting photos vanish into thin air, photos I have", he pushed his hand into his jacket pocket, pulling the bagged evidence out, "here!"

"Why didn't you tell me this before, you moron?" she spat out through gritted teeth.

He made an innocent face.

"But why, Lisbon," he said," you were 100% convincing during the press conference- thanks to my brilliant plan. So don't be grumpy now- you can be heroine of the day again!"

"One day," she snarled, sitting down again," I'm going to kill you."

He got up from the couch in a single fluent movement and strode towards her. He took her face in his hands and bowed down to press a tiny kiss to her nose.

"No," he whispered, smiling his killer smile, "you wouldn't- you love me far too much for that."

He straightened and moved to leave her office, but turned at the door.

"Uhm- are we arresting the killer, or what?"

He barely escaped the stapler that flew in his direction.

But he did catch the soft smile that spread on her face shortly after.

Yes. Definitely her old Patrick Jane.

And tonight, she would make him pay.

**The End**

_So, story finished. I hope you liked it- if not, please tell me, so maybe I can do better next time. And if you liked it, please tell me, too- it just feels soooo good! Thank you for sticking with this story!_


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